The Inner Critic
Most of us are too familiar with the voice inside our minds that tends to scold or berate us. The critical voice is a well-integrated pattern of negative thoughts towards oneself and others.
Statements of the inner critic include, “I am not good enough”, “I’ll never succeed”, “I’m useless”, “I’m a failure”, “I could have done better”, “If I don’t put others first I’m a selfish person” or “she is so much brighter than me”.
Does this sound familiar?
These are the messages from your inner critic. It is your voice speaking, your inner dialogue, the words or phrases you say to yourself in a tone and manner that is judgmental. But you were not born with these thoughts, they were all learned, directly or indirectly, from your early experiences. This critical voice comes from messages you received from people that were around and other life experiences.
The inner critic is shaped by experiences throughout your lives and especially by your primary attachment figures. For instance, were you bullied throughout school? Were your parents harsh in their punishments? Were you raised in an environment focused on perfectionism and achievement?
These experiences influence your inner dialogue. That is, growing up in an environment where you are negatively evaluated contributes to how you see yourself in general, your competency and your worth. For instance, caregivers may have insulted you or reminded you of your failures. Alternatively, you might not have been exposed to negativity per se, but there was an absence of positivity. Over time you start to internalise these experiences, which grows your inner critic.
In relationships, the critical voice can play out with negative consequences. For example, you may feel the need to harshly berate your partner if they have not done something to your standard, or you may say critical things to your child if they have not listened to you.
The critical voice can play a central role in maintaining a range of mental health disorders, most commonly, depression, anxiety, and trauma.
How therapy can help
While it may seem like the inner critic is always in the driver’s seat, all hope is not lost! There are ways to manage this part of you. The goal of therapy is to increase control over and reduce the volume of the voice to an acceptable level, where it can assist you rather than impede you. Being demanding and critical to yourself is hurtful and corrosive in the long run.
The first step is developing insight into the inner critic. In order to challenge these negative attacks, you must first become aware of what the inner critic is telling you. Therapy, in particular, Schema Therapy, can be a good place to understand and then tone down the inner critic.
References:
Jacob, G., Van Genderen, H., & Seebauer, L. (2015). Breaking Negative Thinking Patterns, A Schema Therapy Self- Help and Support Book. Seebauer Chichester: Wiley- Blackwell.